


The Kiss Tag Contingency

by abbyzelda



Category: The Big Bang Theory (TV)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash, Teasing, Tickling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-05-10
Packaged: 2018-01-24 04:35:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1591859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbyzelda/pseuds/abbyzelda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raj and Howard have an argument over who is more feminine. Oneshot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Kiss Tag Contingency

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Louise_1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louise_1/gifts).



Howard sat beside Raj on the couch as they watched a Star Wars movie, while his mother prepared dinner in the other room. The PhD-less engineer couldn’t help but notice that Raj had been particularly quiet ever since they returned from the club; and it wasn’t his usual “females incompatible with voice” silence. Instead, Raj seemed more … preoccupied with something.

Howard turned towards his not-quite-friend/not-quite-boyfriend and looked at him with curiosity, wishing to keep the slight concern he felt below the surface. “Hey Raj, everything okay?” he asked nonchalantly, knowing it wouldn’t bother him if Howard talked to him during the movie. Really, they were only watching it, or rather re-watching it solely to pass the time. Cause they were bored. And hungry. Never a good combination.

“Yeah dude, I’m fine,” Raj answered, unconvincingly. “Why?”  
“You just seemed a little … out of it, I guess. That’s not the Raj I know.”

Raj looked down at his feet and said, “Howard … do you think I’m too feminine?”

Howard frowned and pressed pause, momentarily stalling the movie. “Where did that come from?”

Raj sighed and looked back up at him. “It’s just that … today, when we were at that club, trying to pick up women, one of them said she’d never go out with a guy like me, and that if she wanted to find a girl, she would hit that other club across the street.”

Howard could feel his blood boiling. _The nerve of some people…_

Raj scoffed. “I mean, the fact that I clearly got so upset and sensitive about it only proves her point. I _am_ too feminine. I _am_ screwed up. I’m…” He groaned, and shook his head, exasperated.

“Oh, come on, Raj. You know that’s not true.” Howard’s words sounded false even to him. Still, what else could he say? He’d never been very good at comforting people.

“Forget it. I’m being a total drama queen. Let’s just keep watching this.”

Howard hesitantly picked up the remote, his thumb hovering over the play button, when suddenly he had a brilliant idea, and a wicked smirk appeared on his face. They did say laughter is the best medicine. Maybe all that Raj needed to get over this insecurity was to embrace it, classic Wolowitz style.

“No, you know what?” Howard said, setting down the remote. Raj looked at him, surprised. “She was right. You are pretty feminine. But…” He tried to ignore the hurt look on Raj’s face. Howard was only doing this for his own good. “that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”

“Oh yeah? What’s not bad about people taking one good whiff of my perfume and walking away, muttering, “Homo”, and always ending up with a phone number from some guy named Bill? Seriously, why does it always have to be Bill?”

Howard grinned at him. “But some chicks like that sensitive shit. Besides, you’ve got good looks. Let me guess, you’re going to start blushing now?”

“Of course not, dude!” Howard could see Raj’s lips twitching ever so slightly into a smile, and felt very pleased. His plan was working! By teasing and making light, friendly jokes about Raj’s feminine habits, maybe then he wouldn’t feel so ashamed.

“Didn’t you want to buy those earrings that time we were at TJ Maxx?”  
“Yeah, for my sister. Besides, they were on sale,” Raj said. “And I needed at least a $20 purchase on my Giftcard. That, and I also needed a new purse.”

“Aha! You were buying a purse. Not exactly Mr. Macho, are we?”

“Yeah? Well, at least I don’t dress like a teenage girl.” Raj smirked, and pointed to Howard’s pants. “If those jeans were any skinnier, they’d be anorexic.”

Howard hadn’t expected Raj to turn the tables on him. But now the game was _on_. “Sheldon told me you cried when he showed you that Humane Society video with the puppies.”

“Because I’m a human being and I have emotions!”

“Sheldon didn’t cry!”

“Exactly.”

“You use nail polish,” Howard remarked.

“It’s a prescription. You shave your legs,” Raj countered.

“Because I get warm-”  
“And your underarms.”

“Only sometim-”

“ _In the winter_.”

“You wore lipstick.”

“Once!” Raj rolled his eyes. “You still haven’t given me those ten bucks!”

“Later, I promise. You’ve read Twilight, watch Sex and the City, and listen to Taylor Swift. Need I go on?”

“You straighten your hair, wear high heels, and you drink margaritas. Need _I_ go on?”

“Well, I… I’ve seen you wear a shower cap!”

“A shower cap?” Raj scoffed. “Wow, that’s pathetic, dude. You really are grasping at straws now.”

“You’d like to grasp my straw, wouldn’t you?” Howard said suggestively.

“Wait, hang on. When were you watching me in the shower?”

“I wasn’t _watching_ you. I just accidentally happened to walk in while you were, you know, scrubbing yourself and stuff.”

“You didn’t, um, see anything…”

“ _No, Raj_ ,” Howard sighed. “And what else is there to see that I haven’t already seen at the Arctic?”

“We promised we would never speak of that again!”

“Oh, get over it. It was one lousy night. Besides…” He leaned in closer and stroked Raj’s chest with his index finger, fluttering his eyelashes. “Given your current flustered state, I take it someone enjoyed it.”

Raj rolled his eyes and playfully shoved him off. “You’re just stalling because you can’t come up with another argument!”

“Yeah? Well, how’s this for an argument? Even your name sounds more feminine. I mean, that could really be short for Rajina, for all we know.”

“Oh, please. Now this is just getting silly.”

“You do Pilates.” Howard grinned. He was so winning.

“Well, how else do you think I got these sexy bitches?” Raj boasted, pushing out his chest. “The abs fairy?”

_The abs fairy._ Howard made a mental note to record whatever ridiculous phrases Raj uttered from now on, just in case he ever needed to blackmail him. “What about underwear?” he asked, pointing dangerously close to Raj’s crotch.

“I wear boxers!” Raj cried defensively.

“Yeah. _Pink_ ones.”

“It’s salmon, dude. There’s a huge difference, okay? Besides…” He shuffled a bit closer on the couch so their legs were touching. “you’re ticklish.”

“Am not!”

Raj grinned evilly and with one swift move, pinned Howard to the cushion and lifted up part of his shirt, exposing his clean, white tummy. “We’ll see about that.”

Horrified, Howard tried to protest against Raj’s impending tickle assault, but was cut short when he felt smooth fingers mercilessly gliding along his skin. “No Raj, stop, I- _haha_! Quit it Raj, I-I- _HAHAHA_! Cut it ou- _HEHEHE_!”

“Not ticklish, huh?” Raj smirked as he continued to torture his friend, who at this point was practically in tears.

“Raj, please, I’m begging you- _haha_! Stop! Stop or I’m going to wet myself. _Haha_ -PLEASE.”

“Not until you admit who’s more feminine!”

“ _Haha_ -fine, you are! I mean, I am! I surrender. Now will you stop? I think my arrhythmia’s going to kill me if I keep laughing this hard!”

 Raj nodded and calmly released Howard. Suddenly, he realized that they had ended up in a rather … awkward position. Howard was lying across the sofa, Raj right on top of him. And to top it all off, somehow, amidst the whole chaos, Howard’s shirt had come off.

“Wow, um, we’d better-” Howard started to say, but was interrupted by his mother’s shrill, loud voice.

“BOYS, DINNER’S REA-” Suddenly, Mrs. Wolowitz stopped as she entered the room and witnessed the scene. Of all the times she could have chosen to step out of whatever room she was shouting from…

“Um…”

“We…”

“It’s kind of a long-”  
But she had already fled back into the kitchen, clearly shocked. For once, the Wolowitz household was dead silent. Howard and Raj stared at each other.

“Um, here,” Raj said, handing the shirt back to Howard. “Might want to put this back on.”

Howard nodded, “Yeah,” and silently slipped it back on. There was silence again. They stared at each other.

“Wanna go eat?” Raj said, breaking the silence.

Howard nodded again. “Yeah.” They got up off the couch and left towards the kitchen.

“Raj, you don’t really think I’m more feminine, do you?” Howard asked when they were at the door.

“Well, that depends.” The taller man turned and stared closely at Howard. “Are you offended by my perfume?”

“Well, no. I think it suits you.”

“Would you be offended if I kissed you?”

“I-wait, what?” Raj didn’t answer verbally. Instead, he cupped Howard’s face and leaned in closer and just like that, they had kissed. It was so sudden that Howard didn’t even have time to close his eyes and pretend that it was Katee Sackhoff, or someone he’d actually enjoy locking lips with.

“W-what was that for?” he asked when they had finally parted and he’d somewhat recovered.

“I’m sacrificing my alpha masculinity for you. Otherwise I’d never hear the end of it. Now can we go eat? I’m _starving_.”

Howard nodded blankly, feeling hazily numb. “Yeah.”

* * *

 

It was 10 PM. Howard lay in his bed staring up at the ceiling. He then looked over towards his best friend, who was comfortably inside his sleeping bag, although neither of them were asleep at the moment.

“Raj?”

The astrophysicist looked up from applying his “prescription” nail polish.

“Why do we know so much about each other?” Howard wondered.

Raj paused. “Well, married people are supposed to know each other well, aren’t they?” he teased.

“Ugh, let’s not go there.”

“Go where?” Raj asked, even though he knew.

“Nothing. I’m tired. Let’s just go to sleep,” Howard lied.

Raj nodded. “Okay. Good night, Howard.” He blew on his fingernails and carefully put the nail polish away.

“’Night, Raj.” He paused, and grinned slyly. “Or should I call you Princess Leia?”

“Shut up, you know I hate it when you call me that.”

“Would you prefer I call you Rajina then?”

“I would prefer that you shut up.”

“Ooh, feisty tonight, are we? Must be that time of the month.” Howard and Raj looked at each other for a moment, before bursting out into giggles like a pair of fourteen year old girls. Howard reached for the light switch, but paused at the last second. “And, uh, just for the record, I only shave when I go swimming,” Howard clarified.

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” Raj grinned. “I was just teasing, dude.” Although Howard soon heard him mutter, “Keep telling that to yourself.”

 Howard laid on the bed, thoughts swirling in his head. He thought about how Raj had kissed him earlier, and the feeling of curiosity that overwhelmed him now. Raj claimed it was to return Howard’s “masculinity”, but Howard was beginning to wonder if there was another reason behind it. Perhaps tomorrow he could kiss him back just for fun. Sort of like a game of “kiss tag.” And maybe there was more to Raj than Howard thought he knew. And he was eager to discover what that might be. But in the meantime, he had some sleeping to do. And he never did get revenge on that tickling attack.

“By the way, you’re not a light sleeper, right?” Howard asked, turning towards Raj.

“I don’t think so. Why?”

Howard smiled devilishly before turning off the light-saber lamp. “Just curious.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: Howard did call Raj “Princess Leia” in one episode. I forget which one it was, but I thought it was pretty cute :)  
> Anyways, this was totally random and silly, but I had fun writing it, so I hope you enjoyed reading! :D


End file.
